she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
