also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
