god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
