I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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