oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
