My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
