you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You've changed since you got that strap on
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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