Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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