I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
