what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
