i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
