Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
