So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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