I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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