fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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