The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
