I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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