That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
