My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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