Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
