Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
