why didn't you poke me back
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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