in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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