Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
