Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
