is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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