I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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