3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
