so that wasnt chicken after all
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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