I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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