and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
