Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
