Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
