You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
