I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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