i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
being pregnant is like rehab
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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