The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
