Can i not drive my cunt home
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
