Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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