It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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