Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
