She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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