i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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