my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
