I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
