Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
