DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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