My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
