Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
