I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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