she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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