MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
