if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
